I remember...

Waking up in a palapa in Tulum, Mexico with Simon.

Nana pulling pound cake out of it's little aluminum tin in the morning in her tiny apartment kitchen.

Eating hotdogs with Magdalena while she told me the story of the billy goats Gruff over...and over... and over...

When Jenny Star broke my mini trampoline. (RIP JENNY!)

That Salo always orders pasta bolognaise at the Macaroni Grill.

The student aide for 7th grade algebra - Vanessa with the huge eyebrows.

When my mom had braids.

When I got all those college rejection letters.

Magic Circle Bagels.

When Alberson's was Furrs.

The first night I had my beagle Friskey, and how loud he howled.

My birthday party going into 8th grade, where we covered Elenie in whipped cream.

The gorgeous British guy at Columbia Gorge School of Theatre, and how he said cutlery instead of silverware.

:)

Thinking is hard.

I've been thinking, which is usually not a good thing. It's much easier to go through life with all it's wonderful points without thinking about the hard things, and it's easier to manage the hard things without thinking about how it could be better. Currently, I think my situation is pretty good, if not a bit static. I've mended some broken relationships, and made several new ones, which for me is a pretty big thing. I've learned a thing or two about accountability in the past year, which has really helped me actualize myself to this point in time. I've also learned something about fear, of the unknown mostly. Not the greater, god or no god, why are we here kind of unknown - I've come to terms with all that for the time being. But, it's fear of MY unknown. The future is now - and every thing I do at every moment impacts my future, even if it's only negligible. So how then do I know which actions will effect my future the way I want it to? Before I answer that question, I have to answer the question: What do I want? What do I want from life? From a career? From my family and friends? From myself? How does one go about answering these questions - you can't very well just make a list in an attempt to quantify the aspects of meaningful life and then sort them from most important to least. So, that's what I'm thinking about. Currently, I don't have any answers. But I do know that the sun was shining today, and that made me smile. And that's good enough for now. :)

What the hell is going on out there?!

It's easy for all of us to just bury our heads in the sand and go about our daily lives with little attention paid to the global, or even national, state of things. I know I am guilty of this, and sometimes I think there is a valid excuse, and sometimes I don't. But that's not what I'm writing about today. What I am writing about is what I do find when I poke my head out of my little Whitney - World and see what's going on around me. I do it a little here, and a little there, but over the past week, my only comment for everything going on is What the Frack, World? What on earth is going on out there.

The first thing is obvious Haiti. I can't even express the sadness I experience when I think about it. These poor people were living in terrible conditions to begin with, but now things have gotten worse, when before they may not have believed that it could be any worse. How long will it take for the country to rebuild, especially when everyone who remains has lost someone close to them. I applaud the humanitarian and relief organizations, and everyone who has donated to help them out. But money can't buy time, which is what is needed for everything to start to get better. But that's not a WTF event, just a sad one. The WTF came when reading about Clooney's "Hope for Haiti" telethon drive. It raised $57 Million to be split equally among seven relief organizations. More funds are expected to come in as people buy the album of musical performances from the telethon on iTunes. What harm comes from this? People who, because of their position in the public eye, are more likely to generate attention and support (and money), than us poor Joe-Blows who donate as much as we can and still not feel like we are making a difference. I commend any efforts such as these, but in reading the comments on the article, I was appalled. Here is one from the Huffington Post:

"It was nice of them to squeeze this into their busy schedule of dressing up in thousands of dollars couture and giving themselves "awards." I hear those other self-absorbed folks, the Country Music "stars", not to be outdone, are planning one but have not worked out the schedule conflicts with their current plethera of award shows. So much pomp and pageatry, so little time. What a conundrum."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/24/hope-for-haiti-brings-in_n_434951.html

Um, what? This fucker is the kind of person that makes little kids cry when condemning their lemonade stands. I just don't understand why someone would feel the need to be so cynical about people (celebrities are people at the end of the day, believe it or not) rallying together to help a cause. Mindboggling.

The other WTF moment this week was Scott Brown. What the fuck, Massachusetts?!

Back to the grind again.

Well, school is back in session! I'm not super excited about it yet, but that's probably because I'm still getting over having to nearly sell my dignity to get into all the classes I need. At first I was convinced that UNM was the worst run business ever, just based on the amount of disorganization and miscommunications, and how many problems it causes for the students. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that "repeat customers" AKA - students who don't graduate on time because UNM fucked something up - is how UNM makes money, so it's really in their best interest to keep us here. Tricksy hobitses. But, I'm trying to lift my spirits and get in the groove of things, because I really want to ACE this whole semester. I came close last semester, but stopped short due to a frickin' hack of a teacher who decided that I didn't bend my morals far enough to play his "ends justifies the means" system of grading, and therefore didn't give me an A. If I prayed, I would pray that God would smite him, cause it's kind of illegal for me to do it. But I would!

I good news, I have decided to be more diligent about going to tango and salsa, and as of this morning, I have started going to yoga. In the past 3 months, I have really started building relationships with people at work, which is really nice - not only because it makes work more fun, but also because now some of them are my workout partners! I went with one to yoga this morning, and another 2 will be coming to salsa with me on Monday. I'm really excited about this new development. I really need PEOPLE in my life, even if they aren't super-confidants, just another psyche to connect to is something I crave. So, yay for that. Hopefully, this will also help in my ongoing, never ending, hell bent quest to lose weight. Le sigh. I lost 10 of the 20 I wanted to last year, but then gained it all back in November, December, and January. Boo. So I am back at square one.

Concerning Poetry

Recently, I've been struggling with a realization. I don't want to admit it to myself, because I suppose I believe that if it's true it will make me less awesome, less legitimate, less sophisticated. But there are some things that just ARE, and there's isn't a whole lot I can do to make them not be. I'm hardwired a certain way, am that's just the way I am, dammit. And I don't like poetry.

I don't like poetry. There. I said it. I don't understand how I CAN'T like it though. I like reading, writing, art, drama, philosophy... other stuff....? I just don't desire to "read into" something to "extract" a "hidden" meaning. I want things to be great the first time I read them, because if I don't think it's great the first time, or I don't UNDERSTAND it the first time, I probably won't want to read it again to get "more" out of it. Does that make me less of an intellectual? Will I now be black listed from coffee shops and open mic nights in every town I go to?! Hopefully one day I'll be proven wrong. I'll come up against a piece of poetry that I enjoy and will desire to work to understand it and appreciate it. And maybe that piece will inspire me to read more poetry, and so on and so on ad infinitum. Until then, I guess I'll just hang out with the plebs.

The peculiar happenings of Monday, November 9

I didn't expect today to be any more or less spectacular than any other day, nor did I expect it to be any more or less banal. And to begin with, it wasn't. The main events of today don't stand out as being unusual in any way either - got some coffee, went to class, did homework, had tooth pain, took a nap, went to a meeting... I was fighting Monday, or Anyday as days tend to become. Trying to stay in the swing of things, check things off the list, prioritize, economize, supersize, but the world kept sticking out little peculiar happenings that forced me to take a moment out of the routine and pay attention to them.

The first was early this morning in class. I didn't think anything of it at the time, because I usually don't think much of anything in the mornings before a heaping serving of caffeine. But, as I stared down into my cup of coffee and listened to a presentation on business ethics, I noticed little swirls in the cup.

The next one didn't hit me until much later in the day. I was fighting off terrible tooth pain (REMINDER: CALL THE DENTIST!) and trying to beat the 5:30 deadline of the assignment I had to turn in, and I heard my watch ticking. The watch, which was on the other side of the table, was SO LOUD for just a few seconds that it completely snapped me out of my rush and MADE ME pay attention to it. It's like it was just screaming, "HEY!!! TAKE A SECOND TO REALIZE THAT THERE IS MORE GOING ON AROUND YOU!!"

Later, I was on my back porch and I noticed a leaf sitting on the window ledge. Thing is, the whole porch is enclosed by screen so there is really no was for leaves to get in. Except for one spot, where there is a tear in the screen, and this little leaf is sitting directly under the little tear. "Check me out! I defied all odds!", it said. Because really, a leaf shouldn't be there. It would need to have blown in at exactly the right angle, and with exactly enough speed to make it through the hole in the first place, and then to be precariously perched on the ledge like it was? I wouldn't have placed any bets on that happening. Special little leaf.

And just now, I was blowing soap bubbles for my cat (she loves to chase them) and one landed on the couch. It caught the light just so, and even though the bubble itself was still the surface of it was swirling and changing in a myriad of colors. And then it popped. I know there is a metaphor in there some where, I just haven't figured it out yet.

SOOKIE!

Just a short post here about Halloween, which activity-wise ended up being pretty lame (as it always is in Albuquerque). But, I was really proud of my costume, and enjoyed all the ghoulish goodness leading up to Halloween. I think I'm still going to be renting scary movies and making monster themed baked goods for a while to come, and I'm excited about that!


This was my costume. I was Sookie Stackhouse, from the HBO shoe TrueBlood! A guy that I work with has said a few times that he thinks I look like Anna Paquin. When I shared this information with the rest of the people I work with, they seemed to agree and from there my costume was born. And, as it turned out I had almost everything I needed to make it happen at my house anyways! I had received a Merlotte's shirt and bar rag made for me from a swap I was in, and I had the shorts and the apron and shoes already. The only thing I bought was a hair clip thing to make it look like I had longer hair. That thing was waaayyyy too much fun! I could never live with that much hair, but for a few nights a year I think it could be tons of fun.

For comparison's sake, here is a picture of the real Sookie Stackhouse, played by Anna Paquin:


I hope that when the new season of TrueBlood starts, I can find a place to host "screening parties" and then I can wear my costume again!