Wednesday, November 16

I added proper punctuation to the post title today. You're welcome.

Things I did today: Went to work. Stopped and got gas, coffee, and a bagel on the way in. Had both my meetings today, which both went well. Yeah. As a way to avoid foggily staring at a project I was working on, I randomly called the vet to see if I could make an appointment to take both Kessa and Nico in one go. They had an appointment at 6:30 tonight, so after work I just stopped at home, picked up the cat, and went to the vet. Everyone is fine and updated on their shots. I got Nico some flea medicine just in case, and some more rimadyl. Leftover chicken and potatoes for dinner, but that was the last of it. My phone just now (at 9:00PM) told me I had a new voice mail from the therapist, and I said "Fuck it, I'll call him now, whatever". We made an appointment in December. I'd like to do some reading tonight...still haven't gotten around to it. Laundry also.

Nico at the vet. He likes it there.

Things to do tomorrow: Set up lighting to prepare for seal release on Friday (!). Having happy hour with Sami the nurse after work, so maybe I'll leave Nico at home, or leave early... not sure yet. Go to bed REALLY EARLY because I have to be at work at 6:00 AM on Friday. My housing situation should be straightened out by Monday. Good. I'd like to do some stretching/yoga someday too.

I've been talking on the phone a lot, which if nothing else eats up my time. I'm tired all the damn time. Today was a long day out of the house. The hardest part of the day is usually when I'm on my way home, and I remember Simon will not be there. I always felt so bad that he had to spend so much time in traffic. He talked about it a lot, and it saddened me that traffic was a significant part of his life. What a waste of his time. Precious, precious time.

You always were the one to show me how.
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now.
This thing is slowly taking me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.

Tuesday November 15

I didn't realize that the date was the 15th all day today. I guess it doesn't much matter, I just didn't think about the date all day I guess.

Things I did today: I stayed up too late last night. I don't want to go to bed when I'm awake, I don't want to wake up when I'm asleep. I don't want to go to work when I'm home, and I don't want to go home when I'm at work. But I did all these things today. Went to bed (late). Woke up (late). The landlord and her crazy psycho-bitch mother were to come into the apartment today to fix the dryer that has been making clunking sounds. I wanted to make sure the house was reasonable, so I quickly did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, put my clothes away, made the bed. I was glad to cross all those things off my list. Then I went to work, where I promptly spilled tea all over my keyboard and ruined it. Great. Did some work and came up with a cute idea for some holiday graphics. It would be nice if it worked out this year, but it might be a thing for next year. They interviewed the other candidate for the open position. I still have no clue what's up with that. I'm mildly irritated. Came home and made dinner - couscous with tomato sauce. It was yummy, and I'm glad I didn't have to eat leftover chicken and potatoes again. Most of my produce had gone bad. That almost made me lose it. Simon and I very rarely let produce go bad. God damn it. I'm going to read tonight I think. And iChat with my mom. I wish Simon's family would post pictures from his memorial this weekend. But I guess that doesn't really matter either.

This post is long and boring. Here is a photo I took to serve as an intermission for this epically lame diatribe. I think it's a pretty OK photo.



Things to do tomorrow: Maybe I'll finally get around to getting in touch with the therapist. Ugh. Work - I have two meetings tomorrow, both which I'm looking forward to. I called the first one under the guise of Newsletter Planning to actually pitch an overhaul for universal communications planning. Muahaha. It will be great, I hope. Or I'll pitch this great idea and then nothing will ever happen. The second meeting is with Kevin and Mark, and we are working together to make our first "live action" Wild Again video. That's a weird sentence if you don't know what Wild Again is. But, it will be fun to work on a creative project. Then after work... who knows. Maybe I'll go look at that house Jill found. I hate making decisions, which is weird because I usually don't. Hate making decisions, that is. But whoever I used to be is gone... maybe forever. I guess from now on I'll exist as an apathetic shell that hates making decisions and happens to look like the girl formerly known as Whitney. I still need to get the animals to the vet. It's almost Nico's one year adoption day anniversary, November 24. Not even a year ago. I wish Simon could have celebrated it. Most of the things I wish for I wish for him. Me, whatever. But him...shit. He had so much to do still. He was supposed to run a business, go hiking with Nico, play gigs all around the world. Travel places and make friends that don't suck. Realize how special he is. I'm afraid he didn't know.

Monday November 14

I've been titling my posts with the date because I can. I feel no pressure to come up with better titles, and so I will not try to do so until they decide to come to me.

Things I did today: Interviewed for the new position at work. It went ok, I think. It's weird interviewing with people you already know. Then I did some work, put together a mailing and a blog post. Nearly had a panic attack. Stayed late at work, and talked to a friend about possibly room-mating together. Ate left overs. They were underwhelming. Talked on the phone with my mom. I wanted to do some reading tonight, but it's already pretty late.

Things to do tomorrow: Go to work. Continue to try to maintain. I wish I could talk to Simon. I want to hold his hand and tell him about my day. I want to be excited and nervous for this possible new position, excited and nervous about moving into a new house. We were supposed to do that together. All I feel is sick and empty.

Sunday November 13

Things I did today: Stayed in my PJs all day long. Watched 2 documentaries, including one about Dr. Bronner's soaps, which was really, really weird. Brushed Nico. Bought seatbelt for Nico on Amazon, which cost a grand total of $0.00 because of a gift certificate I forgot I had.

Things to do tomorrow: Go to work. I have an interview tomorrow for a new position. I am going to wear my new yellow shirt and a suit. Call potential therapist Duncan to set up appointment. His office is on a boat. Empty dishwasher and cat box. E-mail Sharon about the little house. Living alone sucks. It's not supposed to be this way.

This time last year: We were living in Albuquerque - I was still in school, working at Slate Street, and interning and volunteering at Animal Humane. We hadn't found anywhere to live or work in Seattle, but we were still so excited to get out here. Simon and I were fostering Nico, who was then named Hyde. Simon was working at Grandma's. Simon was.

What a year.

Saturday November 12

Things I did today: Put laundry away, made chicken salad sandwiches, ran dishwasher and tidied kitchen, went on a very soggy hike, drank tea and Jameson Gingers, put together things for a portfolio, listened to music and played (and won) scrabble. To do tomorrow: Sleep. Take the compost out. Get a doggy seat-belt for Nico.

Hello Blog

I abandoned you. So much has changed. I might come back to writing on you, but I might not. I just wanted to say hello. I'm glad you're still here.

I remember...

Waking up in a palapa in Tulum, Mexico with Simon.

Nana pulling pound cake out of it's little aluminum tin in the morning in her tiny apartment kitchen.

Eating hotdogs with Magdalena while she told me the story of the billy goats Gruff over...and over... and over...

When Jenny Star broke my mini trampoline. (RIP JENNY!)

That Salo always orders pasta bolognaise at the Macaroni Grill.

The student aide for 7th grade algebra - Vanessa with the huge eyebrows.

When my mom had braids.

When I got all those college rejection letters.

Magic Circle Bagels.

When Alberson's was Furrs.

The first night I had my beagle Friskey, and how loud he howled.

My birthday party going into 8th grade, where we covered Elenie in whipped cream.

The gorgeous British guy at Columbia Gorge School of Theatre, and how he said cutlery instead of silverware.

:)