Thursday, November 17

Today was a day that will eventually make future days easier. I don't know if that makes any sense. I guess what I mean to say is that good things happened today. These good things didn't elicit the response that good things used to, but hopefully future Whitney (whoever that is) will have it a little easier because of the results of today. I guess that still doesn't make any sense.

Things I did today: Went to work and had a headache all morning. Boo. Filmed some cats to get ready for our black Friday special next week. That was good, but I had a setting on the camera that made all the footage underexposed. It will require some serious fiddling to fix. Then, big news. After work I met with nurse Sami in Capitol Hill (after infuriating traffic). We had a nice time. She's nice. I hope to see her again. I tried my hardest not to be too depressing and talk about myself the whole time. Hmm.

Our piano. My piano. Our piano.

To do tomorrow: Seal release. It's going to be so damn cold. Nap. Drinks with Jill, Matt and Ben? I need to go get some waterproof shoes at Fred Meyer - they are having a sale. I don't want to miss it. I heard about it on the radio. Who am I?

I miss Simon. I have so much to tell him. I read somewhere that after loss, people will sometimes experience a loss in their faith, to which I said, "No problem, not applicable". But, I am feeling less certain about my world view - which doesn't have room for afterlife, spirits, some metaphysical idea of "souls". But I SO DESPERATELY WANT some part of Simon to be with me, I find myself questioning my beliefs and hoping that I've been wrong all this time, and that Simon's floaty spirit with magical angel wings will follow me around and guide me. I so want him to be with me. Could I have been wrong about everything? Who am I if not my convictions and values?